A funny thing happened on the way to the airport . . .

I left my laptop at the office. I had meant to bring it with me. Seriously. Yes to do some work, but to also sit in a little Parisean cafe and blog while I drink the strong coffee and smoke my crappy french cigarrettes. As if. But still, it could have been fun.

The flight was relatively painless and my brother in law picked me up at the airport. I forget how far north Paris is as it was dark until about 8AM, and then it starts to get dark around 5PM. But my first day was good. We got to my sister's apartment which is sweet! It's huge and definitely in the high rent district about a 1/4 mile from the Arc de Triumph. After I got situated, we went to my nephew's last soccer game. It was sunny, but cold, and after awhile the wind really made me wish for my jacket. It was the last game of the season and it was funny to see all of the kids and their parents there. I felt a little like Mr. No Karma, aka the soccer Dad. After the game, we had lunch and then I succumbed to a much needed nap. When I awoke, we walked to the Trocadero which is this plaza/garden right across the river from the Eiffel Tower. Great views and then we crossed the Seine and walked about the Tower grounds a bit. But my niece started to get tired (which you can tell when she proceeds to have a hissy fit) so we didn't stay that long. But I got some amazing photos with my crappy camera that I'll post when I get back.

Today my sister and I took a quick trip to one of the local markets which was awesome. All sorts of fresh food, fish, flowers, and all sorts of clothes and stuff. Then we came back and headed to the science museum. First we had lunch at Quick (which is the French equivalent of McDonalds). Amidst a crowd of screaming children. And then we wandered through the museum which was interesting and kept my neice and nephew entertained. Then a quick trip to the play ground there with this huge slide for children, and then the long train ride back. I took another nap, but no so much. A nice, relatively quiet dinner with my sister and her family. It was all good. The food in restaurants here is not cheap at all. The dollar-euro conversion sucks. So eating in is actually the best thing to do.

I think I'm going to break off on my own tomorrow and hit the Louvre in the AM, and then walk around Marais, the gay district, in the afternoon. Au revior for now!

"Aggressive Interogation Techniques"

Or AITs as I'm sure they are known. Because torture is just too simple of a word.

So, finally, some proof that Bush did sign specific memos authorizing torture. If the Wash Post and New York Times are to be believed. Which is entirely debatable to some of my classmates who are still in the liberal, MSM, bashing mode. The question I have yet to ask is why they think the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Times, Fox News, or even the Drudge Report hasn't broken any of the major new stories about the government and this administration breaking the laws of our country. Oh they will pick up on the bandwagon eventually, but usually only to hype the danger posed by the revealing of these "secrets." I hope the ACLU wins their fight and we finally get to see these memos.

As the NYTimes said today: "Americans have a right to know what standards their president has been applying to the treatment of prisoners. The nation’s image is at stake, as well as the safety of every man and woman who is fighting Mr. Bush’s so-called war on terror."

Alternate Ending 1

New York Times
December 5, 1991

(Insert Real Name, IRN for short), died today of AIDS related infections at New York University Medical Center a week before his 25^th birthday. Trey, as he was known, had attended the United States Naval Academy for over two years before he was kicked out for being gay. Upon his expulsion from the Naval Academy, Trey moved to New York City and briefly attended New York University as a part time student. He would drop out of NYU after just one semester due to severe depression, a condition which would plagued him until his death. Friends and neighbors of the Greenwich Village resident said that Trey was a quiet, friendly, person who never caused any problems. Mr. (IRN) is survived by his estranged parents who live in Colorado, and his sister who lives in Ohio.

T Minus 30 and Counting . . . . . .

Yep, there are just 30 days till I turn Forty. The big 4-OH. Or the big 4-Over the Hill. And I'm not sure how I feel about it all. Should I be worried, depressed, upset, happy? What is the correct emotion I should be feeling right now?

I've been trying to think about what I'm doing with my life. Well I would start to think about it, and then think of something else since I'm sure I don't want to really think about it.

My horoscope from MetroWeekly is eerily prescient: Sagittarius: You've climbed every mountain and forded every stream, and now you don't know where to go because the path of most resistance seems to have disappeared without a trace. Take your time. Enjoy being a little lost and at loose ends. Resolution comes suddenly.

I have felt lost for awhile. Just sort of plodding along. And it doesn't feel good. It feels like I'm missing something, so great opportunity just waltzed by while I was wandering aimlessly. I hope the resolution comes suddenly, but not painfully.

I think I'm going to start working on some new life goals. A new list to work off of. I want to learn a foreign language, I want to travel some more, I want to get a tatoo, I want to write a novel. Some of it I think will probably be beyond me, but maybe it's good to have some goals that are just too far out there, just so you can push yourself to see if you can reach that far.

One of my goals for this year was to lose some weight. And I didn't succeed. I've lifted, and I've done cardio, but my eating habits suck. And so I'm pretty much where I've been all year. Not really fat, not skinny by any stretch of the imagination, just sort of thick and stocky. But in a good way I tell myself. I'm really good at lying to myself.

Well I didn't want this to be a debbie downer post, becuase that would be so typical. And I really aspire for more. T Minus 30 and counting . . . . . .

3 People I Hate (Today's Edition)

1. The rocket scientist who thought it was a good idea to put a can of tuna fish into the "Eat Right" box that United sells. Because on a hot, bumpy, nauseating flight, what you really want to smell is the overwhelming odor of tuna.

2. The Washington Flyer Mafia thug who worked the desk at Dulles last night at 1AM. After assorted cancelled and delayed flights, alternative routings, and ending up at the wrong airport at 1AM, what I really need is some guy giving me a hard time when I'm just trying to get home, and yet somehow doing it with a condescending attitude. BITE ME!

3. The really hot guy at the gym today who would keep going to the mirror and lifting up his shirt to look at his 6 pack abs. Yep, they are still there. Yep, they are still there. Yep, they are still there.

Trying Again

Well I sent an email out to my class list about the fact that all 4 military papers (Army Times, Navy Times, Air Force Times, and Marine Corps Times) are calling for Rumsfeld resignation or firing. And this is what I get in response:

"As a follow-on to the comments already made, the plain and simple truth is that Donald Rumsfeld is executing his boss’s strategy. Since he is still on the job, one can only assume that the President believes that the SECDEF is doing a great job. Calls for his resignation are simply ludicrous. Rumsfeld keeps doing what the President wants him to do. Who’s going to replace him, and is that person going to be some amazing savior? I can only assume that what this editorial board really wants is someone who won’t follow the President’s orders, but then that person would ultimately be fired.


I find the naiveté and lack of objectivity of most editorial boards amusing, since I know they can’t really believe most of the stuff they write. Unfortunately, their one-dimensional view of the world, combined with their very loud mouthpiece, makes their naiveté also quite dangerous. That’s a nice touch at the bottom: “this is not about midterm elections.” What a riot! They must have had some great cocktail party discussions after writing that little disingenuous nugget."

Now, my first thought was to say, "I assume the President has told his Secretary of Defense to win the war, and that really hasn't happened yet." But instead of a short snappy emotional response, I tried the following:

"Well I won’t go into the timing of the piece. You can take their words at face value, or not. I have no knowledge or insight about them, so I can’t say. But if you want to talk about timing, I would say the timing of Saddam Hussein’s death sentence, or the fact that the report on the Foley page scandal is done but won’t be released for a couple of weeks, are just as suspect. Again, I don’t know since I don’t have any insight into those processes, but it’s easy to take a skeptical view on a lot of things these days.


I want to try to look at the Rumsfeld issue a bit different. I don’t have an MBA, so please bare with me on this analogy. I’m a shareholder in a company. The CEO continues to put out glowing reports of sales, revenues, and positive press announcements supporting his COO. For three year, the COO has briefed all of the market analysts on new prospects, new markets, emerging technologies. For three years the CEO has given the COO all of the tools and resources he needs to do his job. But after three years, the market analysts are looking at the results and not seeing the gains that the COO and the CEO have been talking about. In fact, they see the opposite.
The share holders have seen their shares continue to decrease in value, despite repeated promises for a quick rebound in stock prices. Individual division managers have disclosed secret company forecasts that show the COO continues to pursue ill advised strategies, isn’t using resources properly, etc. The just released internal memos contradict the positive statements
that the COO and CEO have made to the public, analysts, and shareholders. The shareholders are having their bi-annual shareholder meeting and while they cannot remove the CEO due to contractual reasons, they want to remove the COO for his failure to perform. While the CEO may be happy with the COO, shouldn’t the shareholders be able to ask for his resignation?


Again, I do not have an MBA, so there may be dozens of holes in my analogy. Feel free to point them out.


The last thing I will add is that tomorrow (Monday) is Pat Tillman’s
birthday. His brother wrote a very eloquent open letter that you can read
here:

http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/200601019_after_pats_birthday/"

It will be interesting to see if I get any positive responses. Or will I be flamed again for buying into that liberal, American hating, mind set again.

Best YouTube Clip EVER

Schadenfreude and Sympathy

My first reaction to Pastor Ted was almost uncontrollable laughter. Coming from Colorado Springs, Christian conservative central, I just thought it was too funny. After all of the hateful things that these type of people say, to find out that it's not just the pot calling the kettle black, but involved drugs as well, well it was just too delicious for words. Of course the icing on top of the cake was that this came out just days before the mid-term elections. From a pure spin perspective, this was going to have journalists asking "Kerry who? What joke?" Oh yes, between the one-two punch of Foley and Haggard, the Republican party with their holier-than-thou "family values" mantra must be reeling. I know it's schadenfreude. I know it's wrong to take pleasure from this situation, but after all of the hurtful sayings, the double standards, the lies, the deliberate mis-representations, and above all the just insane hypocrisy, it does feel like a little bit of well earned karmic retribution.

But it is sad. Let's not forget that. If this man was not Pastor Ted, but just John Doe. If he was married with children and he was arrested let's say with a male prostititue (and let's just leave the drugs out of it), then I think it's easier to feel sympathy for the man. He's lived a lie for over half his life. He's built a family, but has to live this secret life on the side. Unlike say a mistress, something that some people may not be ashamed of, he's had to keep this secret, this life, all to himself. Being forced to come out at this point in his life is going to be hard. He probably has no support structure of friends or family to turn to. He's going to be all alone. (and it wouldn't be surprising if he turned to drugs) And he's not the only one who is going to suffer. His wife and children are also going to suffer. They are going to be forced into a new world, under strange and unfriendly scrutiny. It really is sad, and my heart goes out to them. They don't deserve the consequences of these actions. Andrew as always says it better than I.

The closet hurts alot of people. Not just the people trapped in it, but their loved ones as well. And that damage is doubled with they are forced out of the closet. But what is wrong with our society that forces some people to live a lie, to live half a life, to be ashamed of who they are and who they love. It's so sad.

It could have been me. In another parallel universe, I could be married, still in the Navy, and maybe have children by this point. And the lies, deceptions, and subterfuge to keep up appearances over the years, the many years, would have eventually eaten away at my soul and my mind. It's not hard to imagine that after while, something would snap inside and I would "act out" in a way that would probably be stupid, dangerous, and unhealthy. Maybe not, but maybe.

On a completely different note, last night in the cold, I walked down R St towards the Metro, hand in hand with someone special, and just felt as one with the universe. I felt the world spin when we kissed, and not just from the yummy winter mojito I had at Halo. After saying good-bye at the Metro, I walked home, still cold on the outside, but warm and happy inside.

Election Time Madness

It's ALL HATE, ALL THE TIME!!

We still have a week to go and I'm about to reach breaking point. Living in the eye of the storm, and giving a damn, makes a bad combination. So where to start?

Let's see. Sunday as I was dressing for church I happened upon Meet the Press with MD's senatorial candidates, Cardin and Steele. Now I know nothing about Cardin, and since I don't vote in Maryland that's okay. But Steele is definitely a prominent character. Him I know. But as Matt Russell pointed out, if you looked at his ads, his posters, his website, you wouldn't know that he was a Republican. Steele joked that he was being outed, but this intentional deception, is just typical of what is going on around the country by the Republicans. And then there was the "Steele Democrat" bumpersticker. How can that not be disingenous? And oh by the way, exactly what type of voters is Steele trying to fool into thinking that he's a democrat? Could it be the under educated, or under uninformed, that Steele is trying to dupe? How proud you must be to say that you've won becuase you've fooled people into thinking they voted for a black democrat?

Monday there was a great op-ed in the Post called The Decline of Trust. It's good article, but I don't think that it addresses some of the underlying reasons why we don't trust politicians anymore. For some reason, politics has become the land of zero tolerance for mistakes. You can't say that you were wrong. That maybe some action or opinion or decision was wrong. There's some strange fever that's gripped the political world where ANY admission of failure, of fallibility, or error, will some how become this pandora's box where EVERY decision will then be questioned, interrogated (but of course not via waterboarding) or judged in perfect 20-20 hindsight. The interesting resulting effect is that now politicians are in a position where they have to say that they were right, when there is all evidence to the contrary. Either the evidence is dismissed (no, we're WINNING in Iraq!), or there's some strange parsing of past statements that make Clinton's "It's depends' on what "is" is" comment seem quaint. Of course that distinguished parsing was about oral sex, which is obviously more important than say the reason we went to war in Iraq.

As part of my new, new, new . . . new gym routine, I've been going to the gym in the AM to do cardio. So I get stuck watching TV while I jam to my MP3 player. This morning, I swear that every commercial break had atleast one political ad. And I think I saw back to back Cardin, Erhlich, Allen ads. And none of them are pretty by the way. Especially the Allen ads. And I learned this little bit of info:

"The National Republican Senatorial Committee sank an astonishing $1,087,692.50 into the (Allen) race this morning alone, new FEC filings show. . . . Key footnote: The vast majority of the GOP money — $1,074,800 — will be spent on negative ads attacking Webb, rather than promoting Allen himself."

Nice. Of course this is from the party that purposely tries to reduce voter turnout via letters to immigrants in CA threating with deportation, or by jamming "get-out-the-vote" phone banks in Maine. While almost all of the nastiness I've described is being done by both Democrats and Republicans (though much more by the Republicans), I've yet to hear of any story where democrats are willfully, purposely, and more importantly illegally trying to prevent voters that might support the other party.

Let's think about that for a moment. To win an election in our great democracy, there are some elements of the Republican party that are purposely, willfully, and potentially illegally trying to get people either not to vote, or to confuse them so their vote doesn't match their intentions.

Nice.

Wasted Weekend

So this weekend has been a waste. Friday night it was pouring down rain and the thought of going out just didn't appeal to me at all. Plus I started to have a head ache that would curse me the entire weekend.

I got up Saturday morning with the best of intentions of working out, of doing work, of doing something. But this constant low grade headache, and my quasi-permanent state of fatigue, didn't really help. So after doing the minimal set of chores, I crawled into bed for a nap. Sort of tossed and turned. Got up and finally walked outside to Filene's Basement to buy some stuff. Walked back. Hit Whole Foods. And then I sort of channel surfed my way through the evening. I couldn't really watch anything since everyone was showing horror movies or some such crap. I did go out last night and what a mistake that was. Add a smokey bar to the fatigue and headache and you're not going to have a good time.

I did get two phone calls yesterday from friends. I love them both, but the questions I don't want someone, even my friends, to ask to me are:

- why aren't you happy?
- where do you want to be in three years?

Now sure they are perfectly reasonable questions that I would normally avoid them even if I wasn't feeling bad. But tired, and not feeling well, I quickly changed the subject.

I'm still feeling poorly and I'm not going to try to work on the happy question. But the other question does seem to drag on me. It kind of goes back to the post I had before. And I do find it amusing that what I said then is true. After the vacation I managed to push those thoughts and questions away for a time. I'm almost prescient. It's probably time to figure out where I'm going in this game called life.

Weekly Recap!

Well, it's been a very odd week and blogger's been finicky, so here's a quick recap of some stuff.

Reel Affirmations! Loved it. I only saw 4 movies, but they were all good. I'll say my favorite was East Side Story. Just a great movie. Good plot, good acting, some really funny lines. I'll buy it when I can. Now, not every movie can have a good plot, or good acting. The case in point being Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds. Now wait, I know you're trying to figure out what E. M. Forester classic this was based off of, but I'm sad to report that while it's not based on a classic, it's also not a classic. A little bit formulaic, but still funny, and what it lacked in plot, acting, dialogue, (insert almost any quality trait), it made up for in good ole fashion skin. Oh yes, there was plenty of nudity (full frontal thank you very much) and shirtless men to make this a secret guilty pleasure.

*******************

So I got a letter from the company building my new condo. They say that they are actually ahead of schedule. Sure. I'll believe it when I see it. To be honest, the longer it takes to get built, the more time there is for the housing market to turn around. Here's a current pic of my new condo at the corner of hip and fabulous.

If you look closely you can see where the concrete kind of recesses. That's where the loft looks down into the living room. Kind of cool.

What's not cool is that I've been looking at the new condos that were built at the other end of the block. People are just now moving into them and from the opposite side of the street you can totally see into their condo. I do not need some interior decorating queen doing a walking assessment of my condo on her way to Whole Foods. "Oh gurl, what was she thinking? That shade of cumin was soooo last year." Cumin's a spice, not a color, right? But you get the picture.

********************

So I had a little pre-High Heel Race wine and cheese thing. It was great and I can't believe that we polished off over 8 bottles of wine. But we were well fortified for the cold. We left an hour before the race started, but they were already six deep by the time we wandered over to 17th St. Here's a pic of some of the ladies! "Love your hair, hope you win!"

*****************************************

And then there's New Jersey. The New Jersey Supreme Court unanimously ruled Wednesday that its state constitution requires same-sex couples to be given the same set of marital rights and privileges granted to opposite-sex married couples. But the court, by a 4-3 margin, rejected the claim that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to have their relationships recognized as "marriages," ruling instead that only the Legislature has the power to decide whether the institution of marriage in New Jersey should include same-sex couples. It's nice to know that the someone understands that GLBT Americans, citizens, tax payers, deserve equal rights and protections for their loved ones. The success wasn't total. It's not marriage. NJ can call it what they want, but it's got to afford the same protections and benefits as marriage. It will be interesting to see where this goes in NJ and what they will be called. We didn't win the race here, but I think we're leading the pack and need to finish strong to win the race.

**************************************

And the quote of the day from Adam & Steve:

"I may be damaged goods, but I'm goods none the less!"

It's the Hypocrisy, stupid!

It's not just me

The firey rebuke I got from my classmate about torture still bothers me. I lack good hard evidence, and obviously you can't believe everything you read, but I still think that what we are doing is wrong on so many levels. And I'm saddened by any lack of real discussion on this on my class mailing list. I almost just want to unsubscribe sometimes. And then earlier this week I read this and I know that it's not just me.

After Pat’s Birthday Courtesy the Tillman Family

Pat Tillman (left) and his brother Kevin stand in front of a Chinook helicopter in Saudi Arabia before their tour of duty as Army Rangers in Iraq in 2003.

By Kevin Tillman

Editor’s note: Kevin Tillman joined the Army with his brother Pat in 2002, and they served together in Iraq and Afghanistan. Pat was killed in Afghanistan on April 22, 2004. Kevin, who was discharged in 2005, has written a powerful, must-read document.

It is Pat’s birthday on November 6, and elections are the day after. It gets me thinking about a conversation I had with Pat before we joined the military. He spoke about the risks with signing the papers. How once we committed, we were at the mercy of the American leadership and the American people. How we could be thrown in a direction not of our volition. How fighting as a soldier would leave us without a voice… until we get out.

Much has happened since we handed over our voice:

Somehow we were sent to invade a nation because it was a direct threat to the American people, or to the world, or harbored terrorists, or was involved in the September 11 attacks, or received weapons-grade uranium from Niger, or had mobile weapons labs, or WMD, or had a need to be liberated, or we needed to establish a democracy, or stop an insurgency, or stop a civil war we created that can’t be called a civil war even though it is. Something like that.

Somehow our elected leaders were subverting international law and humanity by setting up secret prisons around the world, secretly kidnapping people, secretly holding them indefinitely, secretly not charging them with anything, secretly torturing them. Somehow that overt policy of torture became the fault of a few “bad apples” in the military.

Somehow back at home, support for the soldiers meant having a five-year-old kindergartener scribble a picture with crayons and send it overseas, or slapping stickers on cars, or lobbying Congress for an extra pad in a helmet. It’s interesting that a soldier on his third or fourth tour should care about a drawing from a five-year-old; or a faded sticker on a car as his friends die around him; or an extra pad in a helmet, as if it will protect him when an IED throws his vehicle 50 feet into the air as his body comes apart and his skin melts to the seat.

Somehow the more soldiers that die, the more legitimate the illegal invasion becomes.

Somehow American leadership, whose only credit is lying to its people and illegally invading a nation, has been allowed to steal the courage, virtue and honor of its soldiers on the ground.

Somehow those afraid to fight an illegal invasion decades ago are allowed to send soldiers to die for an illegal invasion they started.

Somehow faking character, virtue and strength is tolerated.

Somehow profiting from tragedy and horror is tolerated.

Somehow the death of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people is tolerated.

Somehow subversion of the Bill of Rights and The Constitution is tolerated.

Somehow suspension of Habeas Corpus is supposed to keep this country safe.

Somehow torture is tolerated.

Somehow lying is tolerated.

Somehow reason is being discarded for faith, dogma, and nonsense.

Somehow American leadership managed to create a more dangerous world.

Somehow a narrative is more important than reality.

Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.

Somehow the most reasonable, trusted and respected country in the world has become one of the most irrational, belligerent, feared, and distrusted countries in the world.

Somehow being politically informed, diligent, and skeptical has been replaced by apathy through active ignorance.

Somehow the same incompetent, narcissistic, virtueless, vacuous, malicious criminals are still in charge of this country.

Somehow this is tolerated.

Somehow nobody is accountable for this.

In a democracy, the policy of the leaders is the policy of the people. So don’t be shocked when our grandkids bury much of this generation as traitors to the nation, to the world and to humanity. Most likely, they will come to know that “somehow” was nurtured by fear, insecurity and indifference, leaving the country vulnerable to unchecked, unchallenged parasites.

Luckily this country is still a democracy. People still have a voice. People still can take action. It can start after Pat’s birthday.

Brother and Friend of Pat Tillman,

Kevin Tillman

I wish I wasn't in such august company.

Something *Fresh*

Walking back from Lincoln Theatre last night in the fog and light drizzle, I passed Halo as a group of twinks came stumbling out the door.

"Ohhhh GURL! Tell me what happened! I need something FRESH for my blog." I could almost see the theatrical snaps going off in the background.

*********************

The Pet Shop Boys RULE!! Andrews does a great job describing the concert. A friend and I went and we had the most awesome box seats. Great view, but little dancing room which was the only downer. Great music. An amazing set of new and old music. Someone one said that the PSB make "sad music happy, and happy music sad." And it's true. A lot of their up tempo songs aren't very upbeat, and some of their slow, down-temp songs, are actually quite happy and positive. Constitution Hall was a great venue, small enough to be intimate, but large enough to hold a decent size crowd. Probably the best concert I've seen in years.

*********************

R.I.P Habeous Corpus.



To quote the PSB: "It's a Sin." And so very, very sad.

Wonderful West Viginia

And I swear that I don't mean that sarcastically. Seriously! Really!!!

So a couple of months ago, SuperLawyer came up with the idea of going up to the Guest House at Lost River when the leaves were changing and it sounded nice, and civilized, so I was like sure, why not. And we decided to make it a fall gay get-a-way, so we invited other folks and we actually ended up with a total of ten people making the trek to WVA!

My Friday was the typical. Plan to leave the office around 1130 and *everything* goes to hell in a handbasket, so I'm stuck. The plan had been to meet at Linden Vineyards, sample some wine, have a picnic, and just relax. But no, I'm stuck in the office. I finally bail around 2PM, and of course I-66 is already a parking lot. Once I made it through Manassahole, the traffic broke free and I was golden. And I really was. The sun was shining. It was one of those clear, beautiful fall days in DC and I had the sun roof open and was jamming to my tunes while I headed west. Of course I made it to the vineyard just as everyone was getting ready to leave, but I had time to slam a wine sample of the reisling. Good, sweet, but not syrupy sweet, with a nice hint of peach & mango. So I got a couple of bottles. But then it was time for the final push. Again the drive was great and once we left the interstate and got on some of the backroads, it was like travelling back through time. Especially when we passed not one, not two, but three houses in a row flying the confederate flag. Yep, welcome to West Virginia. We finally made it to Lost River around 6 PM-ish where we checked in and got a tour. Now I had some doubts about the GH@LR, but let me tell you, it is nice. Really nice. The main house/lodge is huge. Lots of areas to just relax, or sit and read, or play pool. Of course we discovered the great bar with the nice fire going. We saw the pool, the hot tube, the gym, the TV room, etc. I mean, we're talking sweet! After the tour, we had to have our celebratory cocktails in the bar. The sad thing I will say is that in less than an hour of being in the lodge, we were singing show tunes. Yes, we are gay. That night we had all brought apps and wine and we went to the Anniversay Gurls' suite where we proceeded to eat, drink, talk, eat, drink, talk, eat, drink, talk, and maybe drink. OMG! Such a good time. And then of course, it was time to hit the hot tube!!! We even did a little polar bear jumping into the freezing (i.e. unheated pool) and then jumping back into the hot tube. I do love that stinging/tingling feeling when you get back into the hot tube after all of that cold water! After all of the excitement (and food, and alcohol), I crashed pretty early.

Saturday AM was a GLORIOUS morning in WVA. Sunny, bright, and the view from our room was spectacular. As we were informed the previous evening, breakfast is servered from 0900-0901. So none of this gay time out here in WVA. And despite all of the food from the night before, I headed down and really enjoyed the huge full breakfast that they provided. Homemade biscuits. Mmmm!!! So good. After we polished off the breakfast, we made our plan for the day. We were going to go to the Lost River State Park and hike and then go horse back riding. So we piled into our cars and headed out. The drive was great. The leaves had just started to turn, so there was plenty of green, but still lots of yellow, gold, and reds. Truely amazing. And needless to say the park was gorgeous. We pull into the parking lot and what do we find? Apparently this really is the gay section of WVA if they have a bathhouse here. Unfortunately it was closed. So we went searching for a trail, and after a mis-start, headed down Howard's Lick Trail. I kid you not. The trail was great as it basically went along a little creek that was very pretty and the terrain wasn't that bad. I was afraid that we were going to end up on some death march, but it turned out quiet pleasant and everyone just sort of relaxed and strolled along. There was a little bit of a breeze, and at times there would a light shower of green and golden leaves that would fall like snow flakes through the trees. It really was just magical. After a short hike, we then headed to the stables to go horseback riding. We got matched with our horses (mine was Moonshine) and then got saddled up. Now it's been while since I've been on a horse, so I was trying to remember all of the little tricks. And I got a lot of practice since my horse had ADD and would just stop every once in awhile. So I would have to kick him a bit to keep him going. Nice. And what is it with horses that ride as close as they can to trees. I can't tell you how much bark I almost tasted. And Moonshine couldn't walk a straight line if his life depended upon it. No seriously, why walk in the middle of the path, why don't you walk right on the edge of the path next to the serious drop off? One of the tour guides was behind me and somewhere along the ride she's like, "Be careful at the next part, it's dangerous." Gee, thanks for telling me that. But the ride was very peaceful. And we climbed several hills and got to see a lot more of the park which was very nice. After an hour, we were back at the stables and that was just perfect. I can't imagine being on that frak'n horse for 2 hours. Thank you, but NO! We then headed back to GH@LR stopping along the way at this CO-OP what specializes in arts and crafts. They had some really great stuff and everyone bought something but me. Then after a late lunch of leftovers from the night before, I curled up for a much needed disco nap. After a short nap, it was gym time, and then time to get cleaned up and head to the bar for happy hour. And a happy hour it was. Especially because the drinks were so cheap (well, compared to DC prices!). Dinner was just fabulous. And of course we had the cutest waitor who was all of 17. But still, that's legal in WVA! And I'm so totally kidding. After dinner, we hung out and watch a DVD of my cruise, and then we hit the hot tub again. Sooo nice and relxing.

Sunday morning was another beautiful, clear, crisp fall morning. It was kind of a bummer that we were leaving, but we got to enjoy another great breakfast before we packed up and started the trek back to DC.

I'm definitely going back. It is SO nice and SO relaxing. And we just had the best group of people with us. It was just such a great get away. I just think next time that I could probably do with a little less food, and a little less alcohol. Well, maybe just a little less food!

National Coming Out Day

The problem with short weeks is that everyone tries to cram 5 days of work into 4 days. So while I had planned on writing something longer about today, I'm going to cheat and steal some lines from some fellow bloggers.

Jimbo said: "I came out when I saw that a gulf was growing between me and my family and friends. I was able to forsee a time where they wouldn't know me, and I didn't like that version of the future. The things I thought I had to keep quiet about where making me a mystery to both me and them - and that's just not my style."

And that's why I finally came out to my Dad. It's not that I wanted to share my homo-loving stories with him. It was that I wanted him to know who I was. All of me. I've done that, but it hasn't been pretty. On my cruise I sent an email to my parents with the joke about how bombing a gay cruise would be like a terrorist triple word score. Come on, that's funny! My dad went off the deep end saying that he didn't ever want to hear anything about my homosexual life, homosexual cruises, homosexual anything. Ever. And he does love to throw the word homosexual around. I think of it as bigger stick to beat me with than just gay. If he doesn't want to know about my life, then that's his loss. I've tried. And I'll keep trying. But at some point he'll either learn to accept me, or he'll never know who I really am.

My second quote stealing is from Andrew Sullivan. He's been on a tear lately and he wrote this about the Foley scandal a couple of days ago: "The closet is so psychologically destructive it often produces pathological behavior. When you compartmentalize your life, you sometimes act out in one compartment in ways that you would never condone in another one. Think Clinton-Lewinsky, in a heterosexual context. But closeted gay men are particularly vulnerable to this kind of thing. Your psyche is so split by decades of lies and deceptions and euphemisms that integrity and mental health suffer."

And he's right. Living a compartmentalized life is hard, both mentally and emotionally. Keeping separate friends (Navy vs. gay), keeping separate lives (professional vs social). Worry about what you can or can't say depending on where you and who are you with. It's a hard way to live. Coming Out is not easy. But staying in the closet would have been much worse.

And now, I'm off to watch Project Runway. Yes, I'm gay!

Visas Required

At church yesterday, the seminary student talked about how despite being born a white man, in a middle class family, going to good schools and colleges, that because he was gay he always felt like an outsider. And I think a lot of gay men can empathize with his feelings. While I knew I was different at an early age, I didn’t realize that I was gay until much later. But between being gay, and being an introvert, it was easy for me to slip into the role of the outsider. You would think that over time I would get over that. But the funny thing is that despite my coming out, despite my moving into the gay ghetto (which I love by the way), I still feel like an outsider. It’s like a walk among my own kind, but I’m not really part of that world at all.

But everyone once in a while I get a glimpse into that world, like taking a trip to a foreign country. My trip to SF and Folsom was like that. Walking down the street and seeing half naked porn stars was a bit surreal. Dancing amidst hundreds of hot sweaty men, while definitely enjoyable, seemed a bit unreal as well. I’m sure there are gay men for which this is a common occurrence. The whole circuit scene still exists in some form, and it seems like the muscle men definitely have their scene as well. But it’s a world which I can only glimpse periodically.

Saturday night was another glimpse into another different world. Located here in DC, but it could have been a million miles away. I went to the Ms. Adams Morgan contest. A friend had gotten me a ticket, and I had a great time. The contestants, the other guests, everyone in costume, or drag, or even in suits, but everyone having a good time. But again it was a bit surreal. Who are these people? I’d say that half of the crowd had dressed in either costume (like me) or in drag. So asking who are these people is kind of misleading. Despite the fact that I had a good time and I thought the show and the skits were funny, I kept feeling like a spectator, an observer, and outsider. And when the show was over, it seemed like my visa had expired. It was time to go back to my own world.

Bring it *FRAK'N* ON!!!

So I finally watched all of season 2 of Battlestar Galactica and now I'm primed for Friday night. The Tivo is empty and ready to record every amazing minute. Yes, I'm now a big frak'n BG fan. Yeah, like who isn't, I know. I just never get the memo.

In other news, I've been scoping out his hottie at my gym. Probably mid-20s, nicely muscled, short blond hair, kind of spikey. And blond, blond. Like almost too perfectly blond if you know what I mean. So yesterday, he's wearing a frak'n Armani Exchange muscle shirt. And looked yummy. But I'm confused. No gay guy would ever wear an AX t-shirt to a Golds. Maybe if they were "working out" at Resluts I could see it. So I'm thinking he's straight, but an AX muscle shirt? Just mixed signals. But today I saw him wearing another muscle shirt (he does have amazing arms) for some Bench Pressing Contest at some base/fort/camp. So I'm guessing he's in the military. But it doesn't make him straight, though.

Speaking of the gym, I've added a little twist to my post lifting cardio. On days where I do biceps, I grab a couple of the 3 pound weights and then do arm curls for the 30 minutes I'm on the elliptical. And yes, I know, 3 pounds, big whoop. But it definitely cranks up my heart rate, so thats what counts.

So I'm still in my post vacation zen mode right now. This whole positive attitude thing is weird. Good, but weird. So I listen to Pride Nation Network at work. Lots of good music, and I hear this song. It's by Claudja Barry and it's called "Here I Stand." Love the words:

They’ll be times when we remember
But it’s better to forget
I’m ready to look forward
Cause I deserve nothing less

Why I Love Jon Stewart (Reason #23453)

"Equating a 52 year old congressman who preys on 16 year olds with being gay may be one reason why the GOP is accused of gay bashing."

In response to the excrement coming out of Newt Gingrich's mouth regarding the Foley situation.

I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before some sick GOP f&*k was going to try to link the pedophile and gay issues. Or maybe he was channeling the Pope.

I Love Kylie

And I'm willing to duel Jimbo for her.

I first heard Kylie when I was in Australia in 2001. Sure I had heard that crazy/awful "Locomotion" song, but that doesn't really count. No it was in Sydney that I first came under Ms. Kylie's spell. I was spending my nights on the Golden Mile that is Oxford St. There must have been a dozen gay bars within a 8 or so blocks. Just heaven. I was newly out and the world was my oyster. I was staying up late, hitting the pubs, then slamming a red bull (yeah, that's right I was IN on Red Bull back in 2001!), and then I would dance the night away. At some point, almost every night, I would end up at the Midnight Shift which a nice little dance floor always packed with hot little Aussies. It was like a dream come true. Night after night I would end up at the Midnight Shift. Kylie would start to play and I would sing with her:

One a night like this, I wanna stay forever, stay forever,
One a night like this, Just wanna be together
One a night like this