At church yesterday, the seminary student talked about how despite being born a white man, in a middle class family, going to good schools and colleges, that because he was gay he always felt like an outsider. And I think a lot of gay men can empathize with his feelings. While I knew I was different at an early age, I didn’t realize that I was gay until much later. But between being gay, and being an introvert, it was easy for me to slip into the role of the outsider. You would think that over time I would get over that. But the funny thing is that despite my coming out, despite my moving into the gay ghetto (which I love by the way), I still feel like an outsider. It’s like a walk among my own kind, but I’m not really part of that world at all.
But everyone once in a while I get a glimpse into that world, like taking a trip to a foreign country. My trip to SF and Folsom was like that. Walking down the street and seeing half naked porn stars was a bit surreal. Dancing amidst hundreds of hot sweaty men, while definitely enjoyable, seemed a bit unreal as well. I’m sure there are gay men for which this is a common occurrence. The whole circuit scene still exists in some form, and it seems like the muscle men definitely have their scene as well. But it’s a world which I can only glimpse periodically.
Saturday night was another glimpse into another different world. Located here in DC, but it could have been a million miles away. I went to the Ms. Adams Morgan contest. A friend had gotten me a ticket, and I had a great time. The contestants, the other guests, everyone in costume, or drag, or even in suits, but everyone having a good time. But again it was a bit surreal. Who are these people? I’d say that half of the crowd had dressed in either costume (like me) or in drag. So asking who are these people is kind of misleading. Despite the fact that I had a good time and I thought the show and the skits were funny, I kept feeling like a spectator, an observer, and outsider. And when the show was over, it seemed like my visa had expired. It was time to go back to my own world.