All About Trey

Life, Travel, Adventure

Stuck In A Moment That You Can't Get Out Of

What have I been doing the last couple of years? At some point, I stopped being, living, growing. I sort of got stuck into a routine, a bad routine at that, which came to define who I am.

For the last couple of months, I've started to have this overwhelming feeling that I'm stuck and that I need to change. And when I mean change, I mean CHANGE! Something extreme, something significant. Atleast thats what I feel like I want. The rational, level headed guy that I am knows that I can't do anything too extreme. Quitting my job and moving to Hollywood to be an actor, or to Tibet to be a monk for that matter, aren't realistic options.

And yet I wonder if I can truly change. I've tried to make changes in my life before, but lately I seem to have had more failures than successes. Do I do something to sabotage my own efforts to make a real, constructive change because I'm afraid of what it will mean? Am I so comfortable in my own little version of hell that I'm afraid, unwilling, unable to change? I'm tired of just muddling along.

The semi-good news is that I'm going on vacation again soon so I'll use that as an opportunity to push all of these feelings and emotions and issues back into the crevices of my mind. I imagine that they will start to seep back out in a couple of months and I should be ready for a full fledge breakdown around my 40th birthday. See, I'm such a planner. I'm already planning to be miserable for my 40th. Wow, I'm good.