Post Vacation Mind Set

So I usually come back from vacation and I've got a good attitude for about 3.2 minutes. Okay, maybe not quite that short, but it's short. It's the coming back to work, to me, to all of my crap that usually ends that little vacation high you get. You're supposed to be rejuvenated, relaxed, rested, and you should be ready to take on the world. That's the way it's supposed to be, right? For me I usually get the 20 ton load of crap dropped on my shoulders pretty early on and by day 2 or 3 after the vacation I'm miserable and cranky and hating life.

But not this time. It's weird. I got into a really interesting head space while I was on cruise. From a number of different perspectives. It was kind of like I let go of some things. That I didn't have to worry about some stuff. And that I can still do a lot of things that I want to do. It's hard to explain. But the weird thing, is that I've still got that almost positive attitude going. And trust me, that's not normal.

And it's not like everything's coming up roses. I'm still dealing with some Dad issues. And work is work. Still challenging and life sucking at times. And it's not like I've found the miracle diet and all of a sudden I'm thin and beautiful. And tall. And tan. But I think I'm doing okay. No, better than okay. I'm doing good. It's a weird feeling. Not natural.

Anyways, I'm going to ride it for awhile and see where it goes. Stay tuned.

Cruise Wrap Up, Flaming Emails & Folsom Trip

Yikes, having stupid computer problems and haven't been able to blog recently. Okay, let's see, where were we?

Med Cruise Wrap Up:

The last day at sea is always a bit of a bummer. It starts off slow as everyone recovers from the previous nights (well actually this mornings) festivities. But by lunch time the pool deck is crowded and hopping. I continue to work on my poor semblance of a tan. Laying out in the sun is actually help my cold. Or atleast I think it is. I also finally do the rock climbing wall. I chose the easiest path to go up, and up I went. I crossed my arms a couple of times (not good) but I made it to the top, pretty quickly actually, rang the bell, and then rappelled down. Once I got down, this guy was like, “Isn’t the view from up there spectacular?” I’m like “Hmm, view?” I guess I should have looked around while I was up there. But I was just so glad to get up and then come down that I didn’t scope it out. But maybe next time.

After the rock climbing wall, I quickly changed for the last T-dance. DJ Abel was spinning and it was a great end to the cruise. After the dance, it was time to start packing and then attend Shann Carr’s Last Laugh. She was a riot as usual. There was one final dance party that night, but I was tired and just wanted to sleep.

After 9 days of GLORIOUS weather, we finally get our due. It’s grey and overcast as we pull into Barcelona. But of course as soon as it’s time to get off the ship, whooom, this torrential downpour. I didn’t buck a transfer this time, and I regret it. The line for taxis was atleast 600 people long. And so I stood in line for almost 2 hours. Which actually worked out for me, because by the time I got to my hotel, my room was ready. My hotel was nice, and really close to the Ramblas. Son once I got situated in my room, I headed down to the Ramblas to find a café for lunch. I find this little place on a side street and all I want is a glass of sangria and some tapas. I managed to pick some things off the menu that were good despite my poor Spanish skills and had a big glass of sangria. Well the sangria and the Dayquil mixed well and I stumbled back up the Ramblas to my hotel where I had a serious power nap. I did get up later that night to walk around the gay district, but the weather sucked so I just crashed early and then the next day was the usual flight back crap. But all in all, another great Atlantis cruise! Right now I’m signed up for the Baltic cruise next summer, but I might try to do the March one as well, we’ll have to see. My last pic from the cruise. This guy has it exactly right.

Flaming Emails:

Well my "Appearance of Impropriety" email to my class mail list certainly brought out a flamer. Denying that I have any hard proof, he claimed that apparently I'm being led astray by the liberal, American hating main stream media. I tried to argue that of course I, normal guy on the street, isn't going to have proof, but I'm assuming that not all of the reporters who get access to this stuff are lying. And that it isn't all about proof anyways, it's the appearance, the perception, the actions we take in trying to re-define what the Geneva Conventions say that undermine our moral authority. But he has zero tolerance for me without proof. Sadly one day, and maybe sooner than we think if the Dems take over the House or Senate, I think we'll have that proof. And then I wonder what my flamer friend will say.

Folsom:

Yep, I jetted off to San Fran to visit my friend and to attend Folsom. Here's a pic. Joe.My.God as usual does the best job of explaining the freakshow that is Folsom. I will say that I've never felt so boring, normal, thin, or young in all of my life. We didn't do Magnitude, but we did Real Bad. Had a blast. The fact that I dance the night away with a hottie didn't hurt. But now it's back to reality. Or what passes for reality these days.

The Appearance of Impropriety

And now for a little reality break:

I remember when I was told that we needed to avoid even the appearance of
impropriety in our actions and conduct as Naval Officers.  It wasn't just a
matter of whether something was technically right or wrong, but how our
actions would be percieved by others and whether that would reflect poorly
on us as Naval Officers.

After watching Pres. Bush defend his need to allow CIA officials to torture
on TV, and what looks like a compromise law where it will be the President
to decide what is allowed, I'm more than a little dismayed.  This is the man
who fought against the original McCain bill.  Then when we realized that he
was going to lose, embraced it, signed it, and then added a little signing
statement saying that he could ignore it.

Unfortunately perception is reality for a lot of folks.  Abu Ghraib.  Gitmo.
Secret CIA prisons in Europe.  Alledged murders and rapes in Haditha.  And
now the President arguing why we need his "program" (his code word for
torture).  It's a wonder we have any friends in the Middle East at all.

Med Cruise 2006 Part 3

Another torturous day at sea. Let’s see, what did I do. Lay in the sun, nap, read my book, and maybe sample a cool frothy beverage or two while watching the passing scenery. Yeah, that’s the ticket. The weather was gorgeous and so were some of the men!

That afternoon was the Classic Disco T-dance. I went, but I’m not really a classic disco type of guy. But it was still fun to watch and look at the insane costumes/outfits that some people wore. Plus I had to rest up because tonight was the Venetian Carnivale party. So I got a disco nap in and then went to watch the Newlywed Game. I love this game as the couple say the funniest things. One of the questions was, “Your partner has a very big (blank) and a very small (blank). And this one guy, who had just gotten married not FIVE hours before, said that his partner had a very big bank account. OUCH! Of course it was the lesbian couple that won. Go figure. Then it was time for the Venetian Carnivale Party with DJ Wayne G. Lots of great costumes, lots of great masks, just lots of fun.

The next morning we arrived in Messina Sicily. We pulled along pierside and were greeted to a cloudy hazy morning. Well the reason it was hazy was that Mt Etna was erupting, but it was still good enough to go out and I went on a trip to Taormina. I’ve been there before, but it’s this little medieval town perched high atop a hill overlooking the coast with an amazing ancient greek amphitheater. Apparently everyone else on the ship decided to go to as they had over 25 busses going to Taormina. Figure there were atleast 30 guys per bus, that means over 750 gay men invading this little town. It was just insane. But the town was so pretty and I managed to snag some time at an internet café, so it was good.

Then it was back to the boat for an alumni party (for those who have been on 4 or more Atlantis trips), a massage, and then our special guest for the trip: Ana Gasteyer. Who? Yeah, I had to do a double check on this one. She was on SNL and did the hilarious Celine Dion impersonations. Well she left SNL and is now a Broadway type singer. She was in 3 Penny Opera and is going to be taking the lead in Wicked this fall. Not exactly a huge Broadway fan, but I went and it was good. She did a great job of telling some amusing stories and then working in some great songs, and she’s definitely got the pipes. So it was good. And then after the show, it was time for the 80s Dance Party where I rocked out till about 2AM.

Naples. I had lived in Naples for 2 years and I just wasn’t sure what I wanted to do when we pulled into port. So I finally just decided to go with my roommate and his friends on a private tour of Pompeii and then the Amalfi coast. I love the Amalfi coast, so I was looking forward to that. So we got off the boat, boarded our own little mini-van and then sped down the autostrade to Pompeii where we met up with our tour guide. We must have spent a good 2.5 hours in Pompeii and it was really fascinating. I’d been there before, but had done it myself and the tour guide was providing a lot more info, almost too much. After Pompeii, I recommended that we head to Positano for lunch. I love Positano. It’s this little seaside town on the Amalfi coast that starts at the sea and just continues up the side of the mountain. It’s just amazing, and there are these great restaurants right down by the beach. It took us some time to get there, but we finally made it and it was so worth it. Lunch was just amazing. I do love Italian food. After lunch, we hit a couple of other towns on the coast to include Amalfi and Ravello. In Amalfi I saw the sadded T-shirt on some large American girl. It said, “Been there, Done That, Wanted It, Bought It.” Is there a sadder description of the way that some Americans travel/behave? I felt so ashamed.

Now the only downside to this day was that I was starting to get sick. I had woken up with a sore throat and that’s always the precursor to a full blown cold, so I kept looking for a farmacia. But it was Sunday, so it was not looking good. But at our last stop, I found one that was open and then tried to explain to the pharmacist what my symptoms were. Unfortunately his English was about as good as my Italian, so I ended up with some throat lozenges (good) and some weird powder stuff with directions in Italian (bad). But I took some anyway and just hoped for the best.

It took us forever to get back to the boat, but I took a nap and then it was the White Party!

Objects de Lust

So on every cruise I see this one guy who I just fall in love with. Love, lust, whatever. I did it on the last cruise. And the cruise before that.

This time, I was torn between the uber hot daddy:



And this young hottie in the white speedos:














So this . . . . . . . . .




or this . . . . . . . . .




So why choose?

Med Cruise Part 2

The next day was a day at sea which are usually pretty rough for me. I get up, hit the gym, a little breakfast, and then it’s time for the lounge chair Olympics on the pool deck. Yep, I was a total slug, just sitting there reading my book and watching all of the hot men go by. Oh, and did I mention the cool, frosty drinks to quench my thirst after all of my hard work? Yeah, it’s rough. I will say the crowd on this cruise was a bit older than my other cruises, which makes sense it was more expensive. I’d say the majority of the guys were between 35-55. So I was on the left hand side of the bell curve. And speaking of older men, this was the first day that I met one of my Object D’Lust (aka ODL #1) on the cruise. Heading back from the gym to the room I got on a really packed elevator and the next thing I know I’m about 2 inches from a very nice muscular chest with light silver hair that’s been clipped very nicely. We’re talking a seriously hot daddy type, very muscular, great smile, etc. Love him.

Anyways, later that afternoon was the Dog Tag T-Dance which is always a lot of fun. They hand out dog tags and then you put a different color sticker on them if you’re available (green), might be available (yellow), or not available (red). And of course there are always the multiple stickers: green & yellow, or yellow & red. One guy had founds some stickers that had prices on them ($5, $1, Best Offer) and so that added to the fun. After the dance, I went to see one of the comedy shows called “Pam Ann’s Security Alert.” It this British comedienne who is a sarcastic, bitchy, rude flight attendant who is just hilarious! And with all of the new travel restrictions, her show was especially funny. After that I got suckered into volunteering to be on the Atlantis version of the Dating Game. It was awful. I like to think of myself as being funny and witty and quick on my feet, but I froze. Some of my answers were just weird. Not that I was going to win anyways. We had to describe the other contestants and contestant number three described contestant number one as hot. So that was the end of that. Why even ask the questions at this point! There was another dance that night, but with no disco nap, I couldn’t stay out too late.

Up early the next morning as we arrived in Dubrovnik, Croatia. Wow, just amazing. After a quick cardio burn in the gym and some breakfast, I went out for my tour. I decided to do the walking tour of Dubrovnik where you basically walk the fortress walls that surround the city. After a quick photo stop for a panoramic view of the city, we headed down into the city. After filing off our bus, we walked through the ancient gates of the city and then climbed up the city walls. The walls and fortifications were amazing, as was the weather. It was sunny and hot and just great. We started walking as we listened to the tour guide explain the history of the city. I still don’t get why the early name of the people were “Ragusans” but I just let that go. As we made our way around the city walls, we had a bird’s eye view of the ancient harbor, of the cool, clear water surrounding the city, and the maze of small streets within the old city. It was just too cool. We, however, were not cool. It was getting pretty hot and we kept looking down at the people in the water and I was just dieing to jump in to cool off, but no such luck. After the tour, I wandered the main street a bit, had a drink, and then did some shopping. I definitely want to go back to Croatia, it was just so pretty.

After all of the walking around town all afternoon in the hot sun, I went back to the ship, had a late afternoon snack and then promptly crashed for a needed disco nap. The entertainment this evening was a singer named Shayna Steele who’s been in Rent, Hairspray, and some other Broadway shows and she was awesome. After her show, I stayed for Dixie Longate’s Tupperware Party. Think of it as a bitchy, sarcastic, trailor trash saleswoman pushing Tupperware. It was just hilarious! And then for the triple crown I stayed for the late night comedy show which was good also. And then since I was rested from my dicso nap, I headed up to the Starquest Disco for a little dancing. Just a little as Venice was the next day!

Venice. I love Venice. I’ve been there before, several times, but this was the first time I’ve seen Venice coming in from the 13^th deck of a cruise ship. As we made our approach to the city, we had just an amazing view of the city and the various islands that make up Venice. Pulling into Venice is a bit of a haze. The ship’s pilot comes onboard almost 90 minutes before we dock to guide us through the channel to take us to the pier where we docked. Needless to say the pier wasn’t anywhere close to St. Mark’s Square in the center of Venice, so we took a bus boat into the city center. I spent the day with my roommate and his friends and after arriving at St. Mark’s Square, we immediately got on another boat to got o Murano, another island that is famous for its glass work. Because of the fear of fire, all of the glass factories were sent over to Murano and now that’s what is famous for. We got a “free” ride over, but had to sit through a glass blowing exhibition and then got “offered” the opportunity to look at the factory’s gift shop. It was nice and the glass is amazing, but I don’t need a $3000 piece of glass artwork or a $5000 chandelier. After we escaped, we wandered Murano a bit poking into other stores looking for more reasonably priced gifts and souvenirs. After stocking up on multi-colored glass pendants, we caught a bus boat back to Venice. After searching unsuccessfully for a costume store, we ate lunch at a little pizzeria where I had a nice calzone. Yum! After lunch we wandered around St. Mark’s Square and took some pics. It was very crowded, but lots of fun just bumming around. We then split up and I continued my quest for a costume for the Venetian Masquerade dance. I did find some stores, but I wasn’t ready to drop $1500 dollars on a silk and wool costume. Maybe what I brought isn’t so bad after all. So I went back to the ship, did my nap, gym, dinner thing and then went up to the 90s Diva Dance party. It was a blast and some of the ship’s crew was there so I drug a couple of the female crew members onto the dance floor where they had a blast. The DJ was Wayne G and he rocked. So definitely a good night and I was up late as we were at sea the next day.

Med Cruise 2006 Part 1

I know, I know. It’s not like I haven’t taken enough vacations this year, but really, what’s one more? (and I haven’t mentioned to my boss that I’m thinking about another one, but since that’s in the planning phase, it doesn’t count. Okay?).

So I won’t bore you with the fiasco that was Dulles. Let’s just say that by the time I got on the plane for Zurich I was READY TO GO! We got to Zurich early, yippee! And after confirming that I couldn’t get on the earlier flight to Athens, I boarded a train and headed into Zurich to wander around. I had gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep on the flight so I was only slightly comatose. I put my roller bag into a locker at the Bahnhoff (train station) and then wandered down the main drag, the Bahnhoff Strasse, with only 8 hours to kill before I needed to be back at the airport. The city is really nice and it felt good to wander. Lots of high end shops (Gucci, Chanel, etc). Much to rich for my budget. My train ticket got me a free boat ride around the lake, so I did that as well. It was slightly overcast, and a bit cool, but still very nice. I ended up going back to the airport early so I wouldn’t spend any more money and just read my book until my flight to Athens was ready.

The flight to Athens was good, clearing customs in Athens was not. I got stuck behind around 50 young Egyptian men in the non-EU line. And it was not moving at all. When the EU line started to get down to the last few folks, this Canadian who I met who was also on the cruise and I sort of slipped into the EU line and made it through. My big bag had made it, so it was then a quick cab ride into the city arriving at my hotel around 130AM. Where I promptly took a shower and then crashed.

Up early-ish the next day. I checked out and but kept my bags at the hotel and then went to the Acropolis. I’d been there before when I was a child, but don’t remember much of it. Even though you can’t go into the ruins, you can get pretty close and they were amazing. The other amazing thing is that there must have been about 2000 gay men on the hill that day. You figure half of the guys going on the cruise were there before the cruise left in the afternoon, and half of the guys coming off the first cruise were there as well. So there was plenty of scenery. And I mean the ruins of course!

After traipsing up and down the Acropolis and looking at some of the other ruins, I went back to the hotel where I caught a cab with some other cruisers to the ship. The line was long, but it moved and I was just excited about getting onboard. It was at the check in counter that I found out that we weren’t going to Istanbul. Due to the bombings there, they decided to change the port call to Santorini! And I was stoked since I wanted to do that anyways. After checking in, I went to my room where I met my roommate, a lawyer from Dallas. Tall, cute, and very nice. We got along really well, so no scarey roommate stories. I then went through my on board logistics routine: unpack, get Coke sticker, sign up for tours, walk the ship, and then ended up on the pool deck for the sail away cocktail party. After dinner, the entertainment for the night was Charo! She is just amazing. I’m not sure what “work” she’s had done, but it was worth every penny. She looked fabulous. In addition to her usual routines, she’s a classical guitar player and the whole show was great. After her show, it was the first dance on the pool deck with DJ Wayne G who rocked. I think I ended up crashing around 2AM. Not too shabby!

We woke up to the amazing view of the towering cliffs of the island of Santorini. Anchored in the middle of the caldera, it seemed we were a stones throw from the island. I had signed up for a tour on one of the volcanic islands just off of Santorini. So we got into our tenders and made our way to one of the smaller islands and then proceeded to climb across this barren, volcanic landscape to the top where there is still an active volcano spewing sulfur gas. It was a hot hike, but the views were amazing. After the hike, we went to this area where there are hot springs. I was the first to dive off the ship into the brilliant, but cold, blue water and then swam towards the yellowish water that marked the hot springs. The ancient Greeks used to go there and we practically had the area to ourselves. Since it was connected to the ocean water, it was never really hot, but definitely warm. And nice. Despite a small jellyfish sting, it was totally worth it. After our swim break, we got dropped off at the port at Santorini where I took the cable cars up to the top. You can do the donkey ride if you want, but I can only imagine how bad those donkeys smell in that heat. Once on top of the island in the town to Fira, I sort of wandered around the town, grabbed a bite to eat, and did a little shopping. I then returned to the ship so I could get a disco nap in, there was dancing in my future. I ate quick dinner and then went to the comedy showcase which featured three comedians. I’d seen them all before, but they are all so funny. One of them joked that skipping Istanbul did blow, but a bombing a gay cruise would be like a terrorist triple word score!

After the comedy show, I went back to my cabin to change for the Empire party. I had bought some stuff at a costume place, so I was ready.

And of course I took my camera so I could take pics of all the hot men.

Back from my cruise!

Had a blast. A full, more detailed, report with lots of pics to follow. In the mean time, here's a little tease . . .
More hot men to follow!!

Ok, Now I'm Psyched

So it wasn't until last night that I got really psyched about my cruise. I'm not sure if I was just blase about the whole thing after I had to cancel part of my vacation, or the headache of dealing with a new and insane flight plan, or what, but I sort of just put it off. No real packing. I had some thoughts on what I needed to bring, but I just couldn't get into it.

Then last night I got a DVD from Atlantis that showed the highlights of the cruise last October. So I sat and watched that, and then more and more I got excited. I'm even in the DVD for a little bit! And not looking too bad. So I was up till midnight packing and getting ready. Now I'm psyched!

Athen, Istanbul, Dubrovnik, Venice, Messina, Naples and then Barcelona. I haven't been back to Europe since I lived in Naples, so I'm excited, but also a little freaked out for some reason. Not sure why.

So no updates for me for awhile. But I promise a full trip report with lots of pics of hotties!

Ciao!

I Make the Beat Go Boom Papi!

I was rockin out at the gym tonight listening to some of the music I got in Ptown and realized that I Make the Beat Go Boom, Papi!

Deep in the diskoteca
The beats can make you wetta
I have the sex you want
I have the sex you flaunt

I rock my body hard.
In this place to be
I make it hot, dirty, sexy,
can you please me?

I make the beat go boom, papi
I make the beat go boom.

It has this typical european, perma dance beat going and it was just so funny. And of course once I got the words in my head, I couldn't stop. "I make the beat go BOOM papi, I make the beat go boom!"

OMG, I just found the video on YouTube. Enjoy!

Reality Check, Table 3!

I'm healthy.
I've got good friends.
I've got a good job.
I've got a nice place to live.
I've got a family who love me.

So on a scale of one to ten, ten being "my life is horrible", I'm really around a 2 or a 3. Not perfect, but definitely not something I need to bitch this much about.

Which doesn't mean that I don't need to get my sh!t together, it just means I'm not going to hyper focus on it and become (more?) obsessive about it.

Gee, it's amazing what a good night of sleep can do!

Stuck In A Moment That You Can't Get Out Of

What have I been doing the last couple of years? At some point, I stopped being, living, growing. I sort of got stuck into a routine, a bad routine at that, which came to define who I am.

For the last couple of months, I've started to have this overwhelming feeling that I'm stuck and that I need to change. And when I mean change, I mean CHANGE! Something extreme, something significant. Atleast thats what I feel like I want. The rational, level headed guy that I am knows that I can't do anything too extreme. Quitting my job and moving to Hollywood to be an actor, or to Tibet to be a monk for that matter, aren't realistic options.

And yet I wonder if I can truly change. I've tried to make changes in my life before, but lately I seem to have had more failures than successes. Do I do something to sabotage my own efforts to make a real, constructive change because I'm afraid of what it will mean? Am I so comfortable in my own little version of hell that I'm afraid, unwilling, unable to change? I'm tired of just muddling along.

The semi-good news is that I'm going on vacation again soon so I'll use that as an opportunity to push all of these feelings and emotions and issues back into the crevices of my mind. I imagine that they will start to seep back out in a couple of months and I should be ready for a full fledge breakdown around my 40th birthday. See, I'm such a planner. I'm already planning to be miserable for my 40th. Wow, I'm good.

25 Dollars and 25 Minutes

So I decided that I wanted to get up to Boston a bit earlier, so I tried to go standby on an earlier shuttle flight. But no! If there's a way to squeeze another dollar out of you, they will. So I could go on the earlier flight, but it would cost me an additional $25. I was at the airport really early for my original flight, so I just went ahead and paid for it.

I go through security, get to the gate, and then find out that my flight is 25 minutes late. So I just paid $25 dollars to catch a shuttle flight ONE hour early and then I find out that it's 25 minutes late. And actually, by the time we took off, we were about 35 minutes late.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, my bag didn't make it on my flight. I'm here for one fricken day and because of the new travel restrictions I have to check my bag. So I paid $25 dollars to get to Boston to 25 minutes early, and then my bag doesn't show up so it was all for naught.

And I know what you're thinking. $25. Get over it. But it's the principle of the thing.

Oh, and it's rainy and like 56 degrees up here in Boston. Hello, isn't it still August? WTF?

To Tell the Truth

I had one of those really rare moments where I accidently said something that was just a bit too honest. I said it as a joke of course, and I think it was taken that way, but I'm not sure.

I was at work going to a meeting and I walked in and one of the guys asked me how I was doing, and I replied with "okay considering."

He and I have a running joke about basically lying when we get asked that question and he responded with, "Not that I really care but I thought I should ask."

I smiled and said, "I know you don't care, but I thought I would give you an answer anyways."

"Well aren't you just lying to me again?"

"No this time I'm actually telling the truth. I think everyone just expects me to lie, so I thought I would tell the truth for a while just to mess with people."

Life Plan 1.2 (Circa 1986)

Let's see, I was a youngster (aka sophmore) at the Naval Academy. I had survived plebe year, barely. I was young, and naive, but I had a plan.

I would graduate from the Naval Academy and become a NFO (Naval Flight Officer). This was just after Top Gun, so being a Naval Aviator was the rage. I had bad vision (this was pre-Lasik) so I couldn't be a pilot, but an NFO on a P-3 (where the NFO is the commander of the plane) sounded good. I would do my 2 years of flight school, then five years in the Navy (my minimum obligation). If I liked it, I would stay in and go for 20. If I didn't, I would get out and then I would move to Amsterdam or some place in Europe. I was getting my degree in Naval Architecture and they just don't build a lot of ships here in the US. So I would live abroad (flashbacks to my childhood) for a couple of years to get some good experience, and then when I was ready to "slow down" a bit, I would come back to the United States and do ship design and stuff for the Navy. A nice government job where I would work 8 hours and leverage my time already in the Navy towards a nice retirement package.

There you go. I had it all mapped out. Not a bad plan for a 20 year old I guess.

Ah, but let's take a deeper look. What does this life plan focus on? Work, work, and more work. Even at this early age, I'd started to define myself by my job. Do you see any reference to falling in love, getting married, or having children? No, of course not. Deep down, way deep down I knew that wasn't going to happen for me. It would be years before the self-acknowledgement of my sexual orientation, but back then, I just knew that my future didn't involve the usual goals and milestones that my friends would have. So that part of my life was just skipped in the plan.

I've had several life plans in the past 20 years or so. Most, if not all of them, followed this same pattern. And then consistently I've felt unhappy, incomplete, unfulfilled. Having a life plan that doesn't include anything else other than work is not good.

Do I even need a life plan anymore? What about just experiencing life and living one day at a time? I hear/read about people who LIVE their lives. While it just seems like I plan mine. And obviously not very well.

I told you there was some deep sh!t stirred up when I was sick and stuck at home for three days.

Oh the Irony . . . .

As I walked out of the quite tragic Golds in Rosslyn, there was a sign for a new Gold's in Clarendon opening soon. "Right Across from the Cheesecake Factory!"

And for the bonus round, I was listening to NPR waiting for SuperLawyer's interview and they were talking about Saddam Hussein's trial for gassing his own people back in the 1980s. The interesting thing I learned is that at the time the Reagan administration wouldn't even impose sanctions against Iraq! They thought sanctions would be too harsh and they were trying to win over Iraq as a strategic ally against Iran. So let me get this clear: at the time=sanctions too harsh; 20 years later=invade the country. Ah yes, it all makes sense to me now.

Return to the Land of the Living

After three days of "resting" I finally felt good enough to go back to work and I was almost glad to go back. Almost.

In addition to watching really bad television, I also watched really bad movies. I've had a stack of netflix movies on my table and finally got around to watching them. They were all gay, indie type movies and all surprisingly awful. The only semi-redeeming value was the eye candy, but even still I had problems paying attention to the movies.

I did spend some quality time on the phone with United. When I had to cancel part of my vacation, I had to re-book my ticket using my ff miles and it was not pretty. National-Philly- Stockholm-Zurich-Athens with not one, but two (!) seven plus hour layovers. Not fun. After much cajoling and pleading, I've got a direct Dulles-Zurich-Athens flight. Of course I now have a fun 12 hour layover in Zurich. Of course, having never been there, I may ditch the airport and head into town to wander around. Or, I'll try to fly standby to see if I can get into Athens earlier.

The problem with staying home with nothing to do and no one to talk to is that I think too much. All of that stuff about my life, my career, my thoughts, my feelings. Ugh! I keep busy so I don't have to think about all of that stuff (hence the use of bad television as an avoidance mechanism). But I have been thinking alot. Some good, some bad. I suspect that going into therapy would probably be a good thing if it wouldn't impact my security clearance. So until that isn't an issue, I'll just have to muddle along. Just be warned that I may start spewing some strange thoughts and ideas.

SDT=SDT

Sick, Delirious, Tired = Serious Down Time

The trip to Charleston was a mistake. Oh, it was interesting. But around 3PM the cold medicine wore off and I started to feel like crap again. But there was just enough medicine left in my body to make me slur my words and make me sound drunk. How professional is that? It was like the my entire vocabulary had been checked out of my brain. Not good. The headache started to kick in while I was at the airport in Charleston and then it only got worse. I made it back to Dulles and drove home with tears coming down my face because my head hurt so bad. When I got home I promptly took like 4 tylenol PM and crashed.

I woke up on Friday and realized that work just wasn't going to happen. So I've spent the last 48 hours going from my bed, to my sofa, to my bed again. I haven't had this much rack time in forever and I must have been worn out as I've slept ALOT in the past couple of days. Sleep is good. TV is bad.

Dear lord, how can I get sucked into such bad TV at all hours of the day and night? I'm not just talking crappy movies on Showtime or HBO. Oh, it's much worse. I've sunk so low that I'm watching movie of the week repeats (yes repeats!!) on Oxygen and WE! And the top 20 most embarrassing moments on the red carpet on E! Did I mention that I was delirious? That's my only excuse.

Atleast I haven't succombed to the Real World/Road Rules Fresh Meat marathon.

Yet.

Like Razor Blades In My Throat

That's what sore throats feel like to me. Like Wolverine's claws, they just sort of erupt from my throat and then it just hurts to breathe much less swallow. Just not fun. Oh, important tip, if I'm drinking hot liquids, then I'm really sick. Currently I'm enjoying Lemon Echinacea Throat Coat. It's not too terribly bad and it does seem to help. Can't wait for when I go to sleep tonight. I'm going to have to drug myself pretty heavily if I'm going to get to sleep tonight.

Which is just as well as I got up extra early this AM to get my car safety inspected. Shockingly enough at 0600 when I arrived at the DC safety inspection facility, I was like car 60. Seriously! But they moved fairly quickly. I got out of there in less than an hour. So that's not too bad. I will say the happy, customer friendly attitude I was expecting was out in full force, even at 6AM. Thanks peeps. Trust me, I was just as happy to be there as you were.

Charles Town and Charleston. Busy week for me. I was in Charles Town on Monday. Well actually Martinsburg buy hey it's WV, so why deal with details. The drive was easy, quick and actually quite pleasant. I'm looking forward to my trip to Lost River in October. But the one thing I did find annoying was that for all of the construction there were signs that showed how much money for the construction was coming from federal funds, and how much from state funds. And it was always 3-4 times more federal funding that state funding. This whole "we get more money from Uncle Sam than you do" in your face attitude made me mad. Yeah, like they really need another 4 lane highway out here in West bum f&^k Virginia. Oh favorite bumper sticker: "My Dad's on the Honor Roll at Cliff's Bar & Grill." Sad, but probably true.

Oh Charleston. I'm off to Charleston for a one day trip, there and back. A long day and I won't get a chance to sample my favorite buffulo fried shrimp at Coast. Oh well, maybe next time.

Go Greys!

So last night I finally made it to a Nats game. Well, sort of. In honor of the Negro League, the Washington Nationals were transformed into the Washington Greys, and the NY Mets were transformed into the NY Cubans. And just to confuse everyone, they were referred to as the Greys and the Cubans. Not the Nationals and Mets. Though the player profiles on the screen did finally clue me in. By the way, for bonus confusion, the Washington Greys' uniforms were White, and the NY Cubans' uniforms were Grey. Confused yet? Yeah me too.

Lots of good people watching. We had good seats and I was especially entranced by the very woofy looking catcher umprire. Of course, if your job required you to squat for 5 hours a night, you'd have buns of steals also. And it looked like he had a very nice upper body build as well. Definitely yummy.

However, I keep thinking the gays could do baseball so much better.

Those old, outdated uniforms? Ugh. Everytime I see a good looking guy in a baseball jersey, I just wince. Admit it, if "the gays" were running the league, the uniforms would be tight fitting shirts designed by some fashion queen with tight shorts sleeves to show off the biceps, tapered waists for a clean profile and every gay boy would be wearing their favorite teams shirt that they've bought at A&F or Univeral Gear.

The athletes. True, some of them are good looking, but some not. And some of them are not in shape. Can you imagine a team of hot looking gay guys, muscled, tanned, and with perfect haircuts actually working up a sweat under the lights? Yum. Oh, and I think for fan appreciate night they would hand out hair or skin care products instead of giving out the crappy souveniers they give out now. And then for the all-star game maybe they could just play shirtless. Sort of like a homage to circuit boys.

The team names? Nationals? Mets? Browns? Ugh. Boring! Imagine the Versace Vikings! Or the Prada Pirates!

Wait, that's too gay isn't it? I've crossed the line, haven't I? Oh nevermind.