Running in the Rain

I love it. I'm not sure why. I like it when it's just slightly drizzling or light rain. Tonight was like that. A little bit chilly (actually warm for Feb), I went out only in shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt. I had my new MP3 player and was jamming to tunes as I went. I haven't run in a couple of months, so it was good to get out. My winter training program hasn't been that successful, so I need to get more cardio into my life. Right now I've got two basic running routes. The Gtown loop and the Adams Morgan loop. The Gtown loop takes me down M St into Gtown. Then I run back along P St, through the Circle, and then home. I think it's about 3.3 miles. The Adams Morgan loop is a bit more complicated. I run to the Circle, up Connetticut into Woodly Park, then across the bridge into Adams Morgan, then down 18th St to U St, where I then cut over to 17th, down 17th to P and then home. I did the Adams Morgan loop this evening. Running up Connetticut is a bitch, but once you get to the top of the hill, you get to cross two bridges that span Rock Creek Park. It's just very cool.

So while I'm listening to my dance remixes on my MP3 player, I start thinking about love. When I was "straight" (just go with it for now, okay?), I sort of convinced myself that I was never going to fall in love, never be in love, never be loved. Kind of depressing, isn't it? Then I came out, and I fell in love, but it didn't work out. Since then it's been a string of dates (usually bad) that has lead to me where I am now. And as much as love hurt my friend, when he thought he had lost his bf, that's the love I want. The risky love, the put your heart out there and hope someone will protect it, cherish it, love it. And in turn love them.

Yikes, I sound like a bad romance novel. But it's what I want. So sue me.

The run was good. Stopped by the soviet safeway to pick up cereal and milk before I ran home. Time to get ready for work tomorrow.

Got Bugs?

Okay, I'm back online again. Not sure what happened, but my PC started to just S L O W down. It was freaky. And despite the fact that I do IT for a living, I'm just not that good at troubleshooting my own PC. So I've not been online that much. And maybe that's a good thing.

Anyways, I ended up hiring some guy to come over to clean up my PC. Definitely a wiz and he really cleaned up my machine. But he was not cheap! He said that I had a number of trojan software on my PC, as well as some spyware. Talk about people I'd like to hunt down and spam to death. Of course, now I wonder what sites have I been to that caused my PC to get infected. Gee, even cybersex isn't safe anymore. Now your PC can get a virus.

Friend update. He and his BF are communicating again. It looks like they are going to be able to work it out. Yeah!!!!!

Off for a run, more later.

Love Hurts Like a Hangover

Atleast according to the very wise, but usually drunk, Anastasia Beaverhauser (aka Karen from Will and Grace). During my music download days (bad Trey, bad), I downloaded this really funny song that's mix of great Karen quotes from W&G. It's just hilarious to listen to, and with the recent turn of events, a little enlightening.

Apparently I've entered a strange parallel universe where someone actually find me attractive, actually several someones, so I find myself in the very unique position of sort of dating with a couple of guys. Just dinner/drinks type of stuff. Anyways, I'm out at dinner on a date, I come back to my place and I get a phone call from one of my friends. He's crying so hard that I can barely understand him. And to say that I freak out is an understatement. He has never been a drama queen, so I know something is seriously wrong. I get the story out of him and I'm actually worried about him. So I get into the car to go visit him. He and his boyfriend of year and a half got into a really big fight and the bf walked out. As I'm driving to his place, I'm so worried about him that I have the shakes. So weird. When I get to his place, he can't stop crying and I just sit there and hug him and tell him that it will work out. That it's not the end. That his bf will come back. He and his bf are such a perfect couple (almost annoyingly so) and I just refuse to believe that it's over. After a while, he stops crying, we talk for a bit more, and then I send him to sleep while I drive back to the city.

What a long night, but it was something I needed to do and something I'm glad I did. He's my best friend and he needed some help. He needed a hug and someone to tell him that it was goign to be alright. And isn't that what friends are for? I'm still worried about him and call him a bunch to check in. Love does hurt. I'm hoping his hangover goes away quickly.

The Clinic

So it was time for my semi-annual pilgrimage to the clinic. Part of the “glamour” of being a gay man these days is going to get your HIV status checked. Basically as a left over habit from the Navy, and because it’s recommended, I get tested twice a year. And yeah, it’s not what you think. I know Catholic priests who have a more active sex life than I do. Anyways, I started going to the Whitman Walker Clinic when I came out because my loser doctor (Irish, Catholic, and not gay friendly) doesn’t actually do blood work at his office. You have to go to him to get a consult, to go someplace else to get the blood drawn. Then you have to go back to him to get the results. What a pain. Plus, with all of the crazy stuff going on these days, I’ve become a bit of a privacy nut regarding medical stuff. So the WWC does this Men’s Wellness Program which is confidential and they check you out for all sorts of fun things. Yes, remember boys when you “choose” to be gay, it’s isn’t all fashion and parties.

Anyways, while WWC does a great job and provides a very needed service, it’s still a bit bizarre to go there. Every time I’ve been, there’s been a very interesting slice of society there. Every age, every race, every income level. Some guys are in suits, some are in jeans, some are in work/uniform type clothes. And it’s quiet. Everyone is there for the same reason, and it’s totally anonymous (you’re just a number). So unless you are there with a friend, it’s just very quiet. So after filling out all of the fun paperwork, you then shuffle from office to waiting room to office to waiting room to office. Syphillis, clamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV. It’s pretty much a full service check up. In between blood offerings, you get the opportunity to talk with outreach counselors. So it’s a pretty involved process and it’s done fairly smoothly. But it’s not done very quickly. And since there’s no talking, you’re pretty much left alone to think. And considering where you are and the situation, the thoughts aren’t necessarily fun happy thoughts. Was I safe *every* time? Did he lie about his status? What happens if I am? What does that mean? How quick can I get on the right medication? How expensive will it be? What will the side effects be? How will it effect my life, my job, my family, my friends, . . . . It’s a pretty severe downward spiral if you aren’t careful. Lesson learned: bring a book. And a light fluffy book at that.

Petty People

So I updated my profile on Match.com (yeah, hope springs eternal) and that for some reason kicks my profile up a notch on the search function and so I’ve gotten a couple of emails. One of the emails is from a guy and in his email he asks for a response “pro or con.” So I send him an email saying thanks, but not really what I’m looking for. So I get another email from him. Which is odd. I’m thinking maybe it’s a thanks for atleast responding since sometimes people don’t respond. And really, how hard is it to write a short email that says, thanks, but I don’t think we’re a good match and then just leave it at that. But it’s not a thank you email. It’s a petty little email saying that he had clicked me by mistake and that he meant to send the email to the guy with muscles. Wow. Kind of sad. Look if you can’t handle rejection, then don’t ask for a response: “pro or con.” I could have just ignored you like most gay guys would. So, anyways, petty people. Just not nice.

Palm Springs

It's supposed to be warm. Palms Springs at the end of January, right? I get off the plane and it's a bit nippy. Did I even pack a long sleeve shirt or a sweater? Oh well, I'll deal.

My mid winter little break was courtesy of Jeff's job. He had to go out there for work, and they ended up renting a house to save the non-profit he works for some money, so I tagged along. So while they worked (7:30AM-1PM), I would lay out by the pool and just relax, read, and work on my tan. After the first day, the weather did improve a bit and it was nice to sit in the sun in my little square cut bathing suit slathered in SPF 15. And when I wanted to take a break, there was the pool and hot tub. So it was rough. But I managed.

Palm Springs is apparently the Mecca for gay men for the White Party that happens over Easter Weekend. Thousands (like 30,000) gay men descend on this very picturesque city to dance the weekend away, most of them high on various chemical enhancements. But for the rest of the time, I guess it's got a decent size gay population, but it's not huge.

On Monday night, after dinner, I decided to go out out to check out the time. Okay, first mistake: going out on a Monday night. I went to Hunters the video bar. It was dead. But I did stay for a red bull (second mistake) and saw one of my favorite Kylie videos (On a Night Like This). Then I headed to this tiki bar. Wow. How tragic. There was a small crowd there, mainly older men, and a really, really, really bad drag queen hosting some sort of kareoke night. I didn't even stay for a drink. Okay, I'm thinking, let's go to the ToolShed, a levi/leather place. I drive over and I walk into the bar. All of the lights are on and they are playing Bingo. I stopped, frozen, by the strange horrific sight in front of me. Bingo? At a leather bar? Have you no shame? I turned around and went back to the house and then channel surfed for a couple of hours since I still "on" from the red bull. Damn those wings!

One of the best things about the trip to Palm Springs was the excusion we made out to the Joshua Tree National Park. Before we left, everyone was telling me to bring a coat. I had a little wind breaker, but I thought, we're going to the desert. Were not going to get cold. But out of peer pressure I brought it. OH MY GAWD. So glad I did. JTNP is in the high desert. As in higher elevation. So when we go there, I'm immediately putting on the jacket. In the sun it wasn't that bad. But when the wind picked up, or when we were in the shadows, it got seriously cold. But we hiked up one of the mountains and it was just amazingly beautiful. Here are a couple of photos.

On the rocks at Joshua Tree National Park

On top of a mountain (and freezing!)

Whirlwind Weekend

In addition to the USNA Out meeting, I did get to spend some time just bumming around in San Fran. I flew in on Thursday night and Jeff picked me up. On the way to his place, he took me to the top of Twin Peak, which has just an amazing view of the city. At night, San Fran has just a great skyline and Jeff was pointing out the different areas of the city. It was cool, and a bit cold. We had great plans to go out that night, but there was a small problem (a lost wallet, well, really mis-placed but we thought lost at the time). So Jeff took me to my hotel and then went back to the airport to see if any turned in his wallet. So the upside is that I got to sleep early (2AM DC time).

The next day I got up, worked out the mini-gym at the hotel, and then did work. Seriously. Have laptop, will slave away. I did meet Jeff and Zoe (another USNA alumni) for lunch to talk about our upcoming meeting. Then when Jeff want back to work, I wandered around Union Square and checked out the great shopping. It was great, but some of the prices were just shocking. I mean, $225 for a tie. Something I'm going to drip on? I think not. But I did hit the sales rack at Kennth Cole and found a great black (natch) windbreaker. After Jeff got off work, we wandered around a bit more and then we took a quick tour of the city. We took a cable car over to the Maritime Museum and the Fisherman's Wharf area. Then we hit the downtown area and the ferry terminal building. Then we bolted back to his place in time to change for cocktails. Jeff had planned a no-host social at Mecca, a hip trendy bar/restaurant in the Castro. Zoe and another grad, Paul, were there, so we had some drinks and then the four of us had dinner. Since Jeff was exhausted, he headed home and Paul gave me a quick tour of a couple of places in the Castro. But between the jet lag and no disco nap, a late night was not in the cards. I think I was back at the hotel by midnight.

On Staturday, after another quick trip to the mini-gym at the hotel, I met Jeff and Barb (another alumni) at the Starbucks in the Castro. Jeff referred to it as the bear starbucks. And I will say that the scenery was interesting. There were a couple of guys there that I wouldn't have minded getting to know better. After that, Jeff and I went on another driving tour of San Fran. We went to the Palace of Fine Arts. We went to the foot of the Golden Gate bridge. We drove through the Presidio. And then finally we made it to the Legion of Honor for our meeting.
After the meeting, Jeff and I went back to his place and just relaxed a bit before meeting up with more alumni for dinner that night. Jeff and I did go out that night and hit some of the bars south of Market. Jeff was killing me. There was no one there and he felt bad about that. But I wasn't going to be able to stay out late anyways. We did hit the Eagle and the Powerhouse. Interesting and probably worth a repeat visit.

Sunday AM I worked again (does it ever stop!!!!), then went out to the museum where Jeff works to take a tour and just hang. During his "break" we drove across the Golden Gate bridge over to the Marin Headlands and Point Bonito Lighthouse. The weather was perfect and crossing the bridge and then heading into this natural area was just amazing. We hiked out to the lighthouse and the rugged coastline was just amazing. Then it was a mad dash back to the museum. After Jeff finished work, we headed back to the Castro for some drinks and then dinner and then it was time for the hell flight back to DC. The red eye is never fun. And there should be a law forbidding infants from red eye flights. I think I got around 2 hours of sleep so work on Monday was a joy.

Oh well, the trip was SO worth it. And I'll be back. Maybe for Folsom?

A Meeting of Friends

That’s what Jeff called it. And it was. We met at the California Palace of the Legion Honor. Originally built to honor the California soldiers who died during World War I, it is now an amazing museum. A smaller replica of the18th-century Palais de la Légion d’Honneur in Paris, it has the words “Honor and Country” engraved above the entrance (in French of course), and it is famous for its Rodin sculpture, The Thinker. This past Saturday, it hosted the first national meeting of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and straight supporting US Naval Academy alumni.

After our rejection as an official alumni chapter in December, this was our first meeting to determine what our path forward should be, how should we support the Naval Academy, other GLBT alumni, and even GLBT midshipman. We had GLBT Naval Academy graduates from 1967 to 1997 (an officer who is still on active duty). There were 17 of us sitting around the conference table trying to figure out how we could make a difference despite the discriminatory Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, and the homophobic alumni association.

I often say that I didn’t go to college. I went to an institution. And it’s true. I don’t think a college can affect you like a service academy. While our discussions were friendly, there was a bit of intensity that encompassed out meeting. One of our members talked about getting kicked out during youngster year. How it impacted her life. It was amazing. But more importantly, she really did epitomize what a Naval Academy alumni is all about. After that potentially life shattering event, she picked herself up, finished college, and is now an optometrist with her own practice in North Carolina. And even after all of that, she still feels ties to the Naval Academy and wants to support it. Everyone had a story to tell. One of the older alumni’s voiced started to waver as he talked about getting kicked out of the Navy after 14 plus years. How would you feel if your career, your life, was over because of who you are or who you loved? And it’s still a problem.

Last year our group helped a midshipman who was kicked out for being gay. He didn’t want to go home because his parents didn’t approve of him being gay. So he stayed with some of our members in the local DC/Annapolis area. He finally did go back home, but now has to work two job, pay rent to his parents, and is trying to get back into college. And this is 2004. I can’t imagine getting kicked out of the Naval Academy or the Navy in the 1950s, 1960s, or even the 1990s?

Our group wants to support those Navy officers, and midshipman, who are still in the closet because of DADT. We hope that by being visible, by being out, by showing that others have walked down the same path, by leading by example, that we can work to make the Navy, the Naval Academy, the Naval Academy Alumni Association open to all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. It was really empowering to sit in that room with these other GLBT alumni and know that despite all of the challenges and discriminations we may have faced, that we still want to support our school by making it free of discrimination.

The meeting was a huge success. We came up with a good plan to move forward, to engage the alumni association, and how to build and strengthen our organization.

All of this wouldn’t have been possible without Jeff. As the leader of this group, Jeff has taken the fight to the alumni association, he’s talked with the press to gain recognition, and he’s gather over 70 GLBT and straight supporting alumni to help support our cause. Jeff is an amazing person. He has taken this cause to heart and has done a great job forming this group. His dedication, determination, and spirit are inspiring and impossible to measure. And I am so glad that he’s my friend.

Religion, Sex, and Politics

Three things you shouldn't talk about at a dinner party as you are sure to ruffle some feathers. Alteast that's what Emily Post says. But this isn't a dinner party, it's my blog so damn the rules!!!

Let's do politics first. My academy class has a mailing list. Actually we have two. One is for general information (hey we've gotten married, had kids, I'm looking for a job, etc) and one is for political discussions. At one point the first mailing list got bogged down with politics and alot of people got turned off by it, so they created a separate mailing list. But then no one was using it to talk about anything relevant. Enter Trey, the instigator. Wait, strike that. That sounds like I was doing this for fun or part of some larger plot. It wasn't like that. As Academy graduates, we are now moving into positions of authority in both the civilian and military world. We should be having discussions about the various topics that impact us as Academy graduates and US citizens. So I offered up Andrew Sullivan's review of some books on the torture at Abu Ghraib as a starting point. There has been some "discussion", and by "discussion" I mean dismissing of the accusations, calling the sources I used liberal or my favorite "whackjobs." I expected my classmates to be a bit right of center. But this raises the question, at what point does your own internal prejudices blind you to facts that go against your arguement or support an opposing position? In the latest salvo, one of my classmates didn't even address the FBI memo that I had attached to the email. In it, it states that there were techniques authorized by Bush that were beyond what the FBI allows. If that isn't the most PC cover for torture, I don't know what is. Anyways, it will be interesting to see if the discussion changes anyone's minds. Mine included.

Sex. It was MAL this weekend. And usually a good time had by all. But not for me. I didn't really partake of the fun. I did go to the leather mart and was looking for a pair of leather chaps. I did find some really cool leather jackets (at like $800!!!) and then of course, I had to run into someone who works for me. Can you say "embarrasing"? And then to make matters worse, we ended up talking about what color striping I wanted on the chaps. Blue, definitely blue. That's the only option!! I'm sure I'll get grief for it later. I did go to the dance. I saw quite a few people I recognized, including Andrew Sullivan and Jimbo. I think leather dances are better than regular circuit parties. Less attitude. Atleast from I can tell. Of course, I left around 3AM.

Religion? I think I'll pass tonight.

The Sights and Smells of Charleston

Down in Charleston for a work conference. I come down here every other month or so. It's nice. I stay in the downtown area and I've been told it's like a cleaner, smaller New Orleans. Still need to go there.

Anyways, it smells here. Bad. Really bad. Even inside. It's that close to a paper mill or industrial plant type smell. Some people say it's the swamp near by. I'm not sure sure. I just know if smells awful. And you can't hide from it. It's everywhere.

Heading back to DC tonight. My plans for this weekend? A little bit of MAL fun. My "Lord of the Rings" movie marathon. Some quality gym time. Work on updating my resume. And get some quality nap time in. NO WORK!!!

Oh well, a better blog entry soon. I promise.

Starting Over

Okay, let's try this again.

It's only the sixth day of the year. I really can do better. Yes work has sucked my will to live, but I need to break the cycle of chaos. Now that the proposal is over, hopefully I can get back to having some sort of work/life balance.

On the plus side, I did go for a run tonight, and it felt good. A little bit cold, but I love the grey, misty weather we are having. It was really foggy when I left work and I really loved it. The grey, foggy weather, with mist hanging in the air really seems to take the edges off everything. Nothing seems so black and white, so stark, so clear cut. Even the gas lamps and street lights seems to have a peaceful glow about them. I need to enjoy it now, I'm sure an artic cold blast is just days away.

Is bitchslapping a form of exercise?

So the fourth day of this great year and I'm exhausted. If you can't tell the positive outlook on life has been crushed by the realities of my banal existence, then let me clue you in. Just as I suspected, work is proceeding to suck my will to live. And completely sabotage my new years resolution. I didn't work out today, but I hope to get to the gym tomorrow.

The cause of my recent work suckage? A fairly major 2 year, $16M proposal for my project. Not a bad chunk of change, but it's alot of work getting ready for the oral presentation to the government on Thursday. I haven't been sleeping or exercising much, but certainly food and caffienne are my friends. Anyways, I worked late tonight. Working at home is proving a bit challenging with a lot of different distractions. So I stayed in the office. I got home around 10ish and realized that I needed something. So I hiked over to Whole Foods (it was closed), then to the CVS next to it (it was closed), and then just before heading home I thougth I would check out the CVS on 17th St. Sure enough it was open. I picked up my stuff and then headed home. As I walked back along P St, tired, a bit disheveled, and just a little bit cold, I see two young twinks approaching. Here they come sashaying down the sidewalk, wearing their low rise jeans which accentuate their 30 in waist (if even), their little too tight t-shirts streched across thier early 20's chest, and the perfect coiffed hair-dos. The one closest to me was wearing a t-shirt that said, "Hot Stuff."

It took ALL of my strength not to bitchslap them. And I mean All.

And as I type this, and as I shortly head to bed so I can repeat this wonderful day, I know they'll be drinking and dancing at some club on 17th St. Damn it, I should have bitchslapped them. It probably does count as exercise!

Happy 2005

Amazingly enough, I'm looking forward to 2005. 2004 didn't work out the way I thought it might, professionally or personally, but I've got a strange, dare I say positive attitude toward 2005. This could be my year. When all of my dreams come true. I'm hoping this positive feeling lasts while.

I did wake up with a small hangover. Three margaritas and some champagne will do that to you. I did get a kiss last night. From the guy I wanted to kiss. But I'm not sure it's the kiss I wanted. It's weird and confusing and one of my resolutions this year is to be more open and honest in . . . . . wait for it . . . . communicating my feelings (gasp!). Yeah, never my strong suit, but I'm going to try. Despite the hangover, I did go to the gym. It was amazingly empty. I suspect that most people's new year resolutions don't start till Monday. Then the gym will be an absolute zoo. Oh well.

Speaking of resolutions, I've made a couple:

1) Go to the gym 5 days a week, even if it's just for cardio.
2) Do something cultural in DC atleast once a month. My first mission is to go to the new Smithsonsian for the American Indian.
3) Do something every day that is good for me.

Which bring me to my quote for the year! It's from a song by Heather Smalls. Love her. Have been listening to her CD and it's just amazing. There are so many great songs, but "Proud" is my favorite. So even though it's kind of old, it's my theme song for 2005:

"I look into the window of my mind,
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me know
And you can do the same.

"What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom,
What have you done today to make you feel proud?"

Merry Christmas

"And to all of us: may we give, and recieve, love in greater measure than any of us can now imagine." - John Hazlehurst from the Colorado Springs Independent.

A Tale of Two Television Channels

My Christmas vacation can be boiled down to a Tale of Two Television Channels.

My parents have the television on all of the time. They listen to Al Jazeera, oops, I mean, Foxs News Network, all day long. So it's just a constant stream of right wing, jingo-istic, partisan, diatribe all day long. With the recent suicide attack in Mosul, it's all bad news, all the time. And I'm not belittling what happened there, it's a awful loss and I feel horribly for the horrible loss of the life and my heart goes out to their families and loved ones. But do we need to hear about it over and over and over again. Pictures of the wounded, the blast scene, etc. It's pretty graphic. And it's what Fox shows all the time. Every hour. All day. It's pretty overwhelming.

Which brings me to the alternative. Needless to say, my sister (mother of two small children) is sensitive to all of the explicit images and bad news being spewed by Fox News. So for the kiddies, we've got PBS. Clippper, Sesame Street, and (God help me) Barney. The children don't really watch it either, it's just sort of background noise for their rampaging around the house. But I can't stop hearing the aweful little kids songs. They creep into my subconscious and I just want to hurt someone. And when Barney sings, I just want to pour hot wax in my ears. Someone please stop the madness.

Fox or PBS? Bill Orielly or Barney? What hell am I living in?

Homo for the Holidays

My flight was only an hour late and I landed in the middle of a pretty decent snow storm. Took at cab home since it was probably not a good idea for the rentals to drive in that weather. My sister and her family are here already. They all look good. I think LA suits them pretty well.

My top 5 goals for this holiday vacation:

1) Do not kill my parents.
2) Do not gain any weight.
3) Do not kill my parents.
4) Go to the gym every day (except Christmas)
5) Hmm, let's see, there's something I'm missing . . . . . oh that's right, not to kill my parents.

I love my parents. Don't get my wrong. But I'm not out to my Dad and he's a die hard, hard core conservative. So we've got lots of stuff for us to talk about. And while I'm out to my Mom, she's still not very comfortable with it. So we just won't talk about my personal life at all. Am I the only one who sees the big elephant in the room?

But this is how my family works, or doens't as the case may be. We don't talk about the important things. Health, feelings, sex, are all taboo subjects. Work, weather, books are all okay. So weird.

More from white bread central, I mean Colorado, later.

Wanted Dead or Alive: But Preferably Dead!

One anal retentative, micro managing, bi-polar, manic depressive, crackberry addicted but emailed impaired, psychotic, hypocritical government program manager. Reward offered.

The 17th Anniversary of my 21st Birthday

You do the math.

So yes, I just had a birthday, and I decided to combine my birthday with a holiday party. I mean, seriously, if straight people can't be gay (def: happy and carefree, merry) during the Christmas season, when can they? So it was supposed to be mix of people, but some of the straight people bailed (after saying yes to my evite, very bad form). So it was mainly gay, with one straight couple, and we had a really good time.

Now I don't drink that much. Never alone, and just never alot when I do drink. But everyone bought some wine for the party, and so everyone was just sucking down the alcohol. At the end of the evening the casualties were as follows: 1 bottle of champagne, 2 bottles of vodka, and 6 bottles of wine. Okay, I had 17 people at my party. You do the math. Gay men drink like fish!

After the party, I went with some of the guys to Cobalt to go dancing. I hadn't been out dancing in forever and was looking forward to it. However, one of my friends who must have been drinking my share of the alcohol earlier in the evening started doing the bump and grind thing with me on the dance floor. Now I can get into that for a bit, and then I sort of feel awkward. Maybe if I had been drunk, but no. And then he goes and says something to me. A proposition. And then the weird factor kind of exploded. I have friends, want a boy friend, but am not too comfortable with the friends with benefits thing. And I'm not a prude. I've been known to do some online shopping. But it was just a little bit weird. So I ended up bailing to go home. That's me doing the responsible, mature thing again. Yikes what a pain.