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A Letter from Hilary Clinton

My Fellow Hard Working White Americans,

This has been a historic campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination and I want to thank you again for supporting me against Senator Barack Hussien Obama. Your support and fear of African Americans, Muslims, and people who look different has been a key component of our successful[1] campaign. Despite the fact that it is almost numerically impossible for me to capture enough delegates to win the nomination, I need the support of hard working white Americans like you to continue my campaign. Please go to and donate generously.

While my husband (who may have been the first black President, but who is really white) and I are multi-millionaires many times over, we need your financial help to help pay off the massive debt my campaign has incurred. With the economy in the tank, Bill and I feel your pain and are doing our part to help cut some corners. So please go to and donate whatever you can. Each and every day I’m on the campaign trail wracking up huge costs to prove that I’m a better general election candidate than Senator Barack Hussein Obama, I’m inspired by the stories of white children selling their bikes and video games so they can give that money to my campaign. Its stories like these that touch my heart and remind me why I’m running for President. I want to support the hard working white Americans who support me.[2]

As the campaign enters the summer months and hard working white Americans like you are hurt by sky high gas prices, I want to ensure you that I will use every cheap, pandering, counterproductive solution to solve the problem. I want to make sure you have enough money in your wallet to not only gas up that SUV, but that there’s a little left over for you to give to my campaign. So please go to and give generously. Your donation will allow me to continue to drag out this important, historic, nomination process, creating further hate and discontent in the party while giving John McCain a free ride until the Democratic Convention in case something really really bad happens to Senator Barack Hussein Obama.

So I humbly ask that you go to and give generously to my campaign[3].

Your fellow, hard working white American,


[1] Please see current campaign talking points for the latest definition of success.

[2] And also the lobbyists, special interests, and PACSs who’ve given me tons of cash also.

[3] Any left over funding will be applied to my 2012 run for President.